Technology is great

I am at work, watching Andy Murray v Roger Federer live on the interweb. Things could be worse. Speaking of which...

You know who are a bunch of dickbags? The New England Patriots. They had neither win covered the spread or lost outright. Where's the decency?! I blame Belichick. He's a cheater.

Arizona Wildcats football: 2-0. May have to get out to the UCLA game in a couple weeks.

From the "Oh, by the way" file...

Oh, by the way, sitting five rows off the third base line for a Dodger game on a beautiful Sunday afternoon with all the free food you can eat definitely does not suck. The Arizona Diamondbacks, now they suck.

We know these things to be true

Week 1 of the NFL is the scariest time for a gambler because so much is uncertain when a league dominated by parity begins anew. That being said, after the first Sunday of the season, some things were quite predictable. We know the following to be true:

- The Philadelphia Eagles are on a mission to have the most pathetic special teams unit in history. Shocking! The Packers had no business winning that game. But the Eagles gifted it to them, so now we're all going to be "treated" to yet another media slobberfest about how Brett Favre's "still got the magic." *barf*

- The Kansas City Chiefs really are that bad.

- The Raiders had 36 points hung on them, at home, against the Lions, and they were still more impressive than the Chiefs. (Feeling pretty great about that call)

- Given, it was Atlanta, but I'm feeling pretty damn confident about my Minnesota prediction. I'm telling you: Vikings in the playoffs.

- Surprising absolutely no one (except for the morons out there), Tom Brady and Randy Moss looked incredible yesterday. If Brady keeps getting protection like he did yesterday, you can give him the MVP, now. As for Randy Moss? Hey, you get better when you're not a Raider.

- Also surprising no one: Jets fans have no class. Booing a hobbling Chad Pennington as he walks off the field and cheering Kellen Clemens when he comes on? Quintessential New York. Disgusting.

- Jacksonville, no matter how talented they are, still can't figure out Tennessee.

- The fact that not every play is reviewable continues to be one of the stupidest things in sports. Consider yesterday when Tommie Harris of the Bears illegally entered the neutral zone, being well offside by the time the ball was snapped. Harris stripped the ball from Philip Rivers and the Bears gained possession, halting a Chargers drive that surely would've ended in a score. That crystal clear offside by Harris? NOT A REVIEWABLE PLAY! For as perfect as the NFL thinks it is, they still get a hell of a lot wrong. If you're going to champion instant replay (and by all means, go right ahead), then at least have the mental capacity to allow every possible rule violation to be reviewable. For the love... it's not asking too much. PS - Thank God that Roger Federer was winning a fourth straight US Open title on CBS, because the Bears-Chargers game was absolutely brutal to watch.

- I don't care how many times they're scheduled for prime time (7!), I still have no interest in the Cowboys. Yap all you want about Tony Romo putting 45 points on the Giants, their defense still surrendered 35 to one of the most unimpressive offensive units in the league.

Predictions for the weekend

- No matter what the reports are saying, JaMarcus Russell will remain unsigned by the Oakland Raiders. And it's all this senile crazy's fault!

- Despite issues with Russell, the Raiders will win (and cover) their season-opener at home against Detroit 16-12.

- In addition to Oakland winning, the Houston Texans, Minnesota Vikings, and Washington Redskins all start the season with Ws, too. (Granted, they're playing Kansas City, Atlanta, and Miami, respectively, but shut up) During the Vike's win, Adrian Peterson announces his candidacy for offensive rookie of the year in a big way.

- Roger Federer (do I even have to say that he'll grab the US Open on Sunday?) beats Novak Djokovic in a classic four-set final.

- Because Major League Baseball is HELL-BENT on finding a feel-good story to combat their dishonest image of cheaters and steroid-abusers, the reports of everyone's favorite "special retard" will be ignored. At least, for now, while he's still hitting homeruns.

- Arizona will score at least two touchdowns en route to beating Northern Arizona on Saturday night in Tucson. You might be thinking, "Hey, jerk, duh! Of course that's going to happen." To that, I would respond, "Did you see the BYU game?"

- I will miss this weekend's action from the Rugby World Cup, which kicks off tonight, because I don't get bloody Setanta and probably won't be getting up super-early to find a pub that does. However, South Africa (with a boost from Nelson) open with a victory over Samoa and the USA (Yes! They're in the RWC! Again! You'd never know, living in this country.) will get flogged by an underachieving England side.

- Jimmy Clausen will throw four interceptions and not finish the game, as Penn State beats Notre Dame by three touchdowns.

- No player in the NFL will have as bad a performance, during week 1, as Jason David of the Saints did, last night. Absolutely shocking.

- No NFL team will look as dominant and impressive, during week 1, as Peyton Manning and the Colts did, last night. Cripes, they looked in mid-season form. Frightening, really.

- No matter what the result, there'll be far too many rednecks at the Virginia Tech v LSU game. Tigers by a touchdown in what turns out to be a really boring game characterized more by mistakes than good defense. 17-10.

- Michigan squeaks out a late field goal to beat Oregon, but their defense continues to be decimated.

- Israel will shock the world and steal a 0-0 draw at Wembley, this weekend, during Euro 2008 qualifiers. Steve McLaren will come under fire, once again, for being an idiot.

- When I attend tomorrow's Galaxy game against the Colorado Rapids, the stadium will be half-empty because a) Beckham is out, and b) this is the worst team in MLS. Rapids 3 - 1 Galaxy.

Bouncing into the weekend

Because it is Friday and things are a little slow at the moment, some quick bullets on the hot (and not so hot) issues this week. Everything aside from Kobe, that is, because he still isn't going anywhere before next summer.

Pacman Jones
Let's just drop the whole issue, shall we, and just fire him already. People don't seem to be aware that this suspension imposed by the league doesn't just apply to the coming season, it spans forever. So let's just accept that this guy isn't going to play golf or watch daytime TV in his spare time and cut our losses. Whaddya say, Roger?

Sammy Steroids
It wasn't long ago that 600 homeruns meant you were a baseball immortal. But as Jayson Stark said in an interview, last night, this is the price we're paying for the steroids era. The numbers -- particularly the power numbers -- have been devalued to such an extreme that when a scumbag like Sosa finally does hit 600, it barely illicits a response. By tacitlly allowing rampant steroid and growth hormone abuse, Major League Baseball has sacrificed the very lore that makes people sentimental over the sport in the first place. Without the numbers -- 755, 61, 191 -- what does baseball have left? I'll be very curious to see how people react to Ken Griffey Jr. hitting 600, which will probably happen by season's end. Griffey deserves all the accolades coming his way. It's pretty fair to say that Sosa does not. And while we're condemning one of baseball all-time shadiest characters, a message to all the baseball writers and media personalities absolving Sosa of the past while still condeming Mark McGwire: PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS. If Big Mac only received a HOF vote in the low 20s, then damn it, Sosa should, too. All or nothing. If anything, Sosa was an even bigger cheater (corked bat), more deceitful (left the country, forgot how to speak English in front of Congress), and was never at any time considered one of the best to play right field (not that the Hall of Fame values "excellence" anymore. You just have to be "good and well-liked"). The Baseball Hall of Fame: Becoming more irrelevant by the second.

Kevin Garnett
If one superstar is getting traded, this summer, it's him. And it will be to the Suns. No one else has a chance. Is Chicago going to mortgage Hinrich/Deng/Gordon? Not likely. Phoenix isn't budging when it comes to keeping Amare off the table, either. Just the thought of a Nash/Amare/KG trio should be enough to make everyone else concede their games against the Suns and just play for second place.

Thierry Henry
Unfortunately for Gunners supporters, there will be no miracle. Henry is off to the Catalan. Surprising? No, not at all. Re-read the part where I said there will be no miracle. What does it mean for Arsenal? Well, they were without Henry for a large chunk of the season and still managed fourth place in the table. I'd say that no longer having the distraction of whether or not he'll play could be advantageous. While I maintain that there's no better striker in the world than a healthy Thierry Henry (that includes Drogba), Arsenal should recover rather quickly. Adebayor needs to work on his consistency, though.

Wimbledon
I'm a sucker for Grand Slam Tennis and it doesn't get much better than this one. Federer's gunning for Borg's record of five consecutive Wimby titles. He's going to get it, too. Can't imagine he's too happy about just missing out on the French... again. Watch out.

Gold Cup
Not many people even know it's going on and, really, they don't need to. It's been some miserable, miserable soccer. But -- and there is a big but -- the US and Mexico have managed to sleepwalk their way to the final. USA v Mexico? Count me in. Prediction? Please, how could I possibly offer anything other than 2-0 to the Americans? Copa America is right around the corner... By the by, terrible luck for Canada in the semi against the US. That equalizing goal in the dying seconds definitely was not offside. I'm rather amazed that Paul Stalteri didn't murder the ref on site.

NBA Draft
Less than a week away. Strong crop of talent, too. At least at first glance. However, is it just me, or has there been so much attention focused on why Oden will go ahead of Durant that people haven't bothered to ponder what will happen between picks 3-58?

Tri-Nations
Springboks host the All Blacks tomorrow in Durban, 5 a.m. PST. COMME BOKKE!

At least Barbaro's dead

Ooooh! He's a monster, folks! Exulting in the death of flipping Barbaro! Well, the truth is that this page has been dormant for a solid week mostly because I've been busy as all hell, but also partially because I've had nothing good to write about. Let's see...

Lakers - Where do I start? Sunday's collapse against the Spurs (who looked positively terrible) or getting swept by Charlotte (story of LA's season: playing to the level of competition.

Kings - Obviously, as they spiral into oblivion, they're in the position of being "sellers" as the trade deadline approaches. It still stings, though, to trade Craig Conroy back to Calgary from whence he came for a pile of dirt.

Arizona Wildcats - Getting obliterated at home against a young, albeit talented, North Carolina team swiftly takes us out of any Sweet 16 discussion, let alone Final Four. This is a team in crisis. Losers of five of their last seven and the conference schedule doesn't get any easier. We only play ASU one more time. Every other game, I'll be sweating bullets.

And while the Cats struggle, Stanford is the latest Pac 10 team making a huge push, knocking off USC and UCLA last week.

So with all of that said, yeah, F*** Barbaro! He's an animal, people! He's not an athlete -- he's not even a person -- he's a freaking horse that won one big race. WHO CARES?! I'm holding my breath for the national day of mourning in rememberance of Barbaro. I wouldn't be shocked if it came. Because people are stupid. Fan mail for a horse? Kill yourself!

Sadly, I missed both the men's and women's final at the Australian Open. But I suppose I was fortunate because they were both demolitions. Serena slapped My Goddess, Maria, 1 and 2. I guess it's safe to say that she's back. I take a certain degree of issue at all the hubbub plaudits she's receiving for being the first unseeded woman to win a major since '78 (I believe). I mean, c'mon, this isn't any unseeded player. This is Serena Williams. She wasn't unseeded because her play was poor, but rather because she was injured for most of last year. If you don't play, your ranking drops, but she's still one of the top ten players in the world, at the very least, in terms of talent. As for the men... what else can you say about Roger Federer? Most dominant player, nay... most dominant entity (encompassing all teams and individuals) in sports. 27-set unbeaten streak? Wow.

One last positive before leaving for what could be many days: the schedule for BracketBusters 2007 has been announced. Mmm... college hoops. Every basketball fan in America should, at the very least, be tuned into Southern Illinois at Butler. That'll be a great, great game.

End of the year

Well, it's that time. 2006 is coming to a close and everyone is spewing out their precious lists. (Actually, here's an entertaining one.) So why not pile on, just a little? To me, the athlete of the year is Roger Federer. Without question. 92-5 record this year, 12 singles titles including three grand slams (and he says he dedicating himself to winning the French Open in '07, so watch out!). It has to be Roger, this year, and the two reasons he isn't dominating Tiger Woods and LaDanian Tomlinson for the honor are 1) he isn't American and 2) because he plays tennis. That's just poor, Associated Press.

There are several moments that stuck out for me in '06. Agassi retiring, George Mason beating UConn to advance to the Final Four (among history's greatest upsets), the arrival of Ovechkin and Crosby. But here are the three moments, in descending order, that made me lose my mind

3. Liverpool winning the most dramatic FA Cup -- perhaps ever -- over West Ham United. The comeback was largely thanks to English Player of the Year and now living legend, Steven Gerrard.

2. The Lakers weren't supposed to beat the Suns in the first round of the playoffs (and they didn't), but Kobe's winner at the buzzer in game 4 was one of those magical moments in Lakers lore and it had everyone believing that LA had a real shot of winning this thing (they were one rebound away in game 6 from doing so). Anyway, this shot had me screaming "Black Mamba!" and jumping around for a good five minutes straight.

1. His name is Fabio Grosso and he's my personal hero for 2006. The Italian fullback scored the decisive penalty kick that won the World Cup for Italy over France (I haven't been so mental in my life, I think), but he etched his name in glory the match before during the semifinal where, in the 128th minute (final two minutes of extra time), he famously broke German hearts. Everyone in the bar lost their minds. It was the best.

Some predictions for 2007

Orange Bowl - Louisville vs Wake Forest: Doesn't matter.
Fiesta Bowl - Oklahoma vs Boise State: Doesn't matter.
Rose Bowl - Michigan vs USC: Doesn't matter.
Sugar Bowl - LSU vs Notre Dame: Doesn't matter.

All of the above games are as relevant as the prestigious MPC Computers Bowl or the Papajohns.com Bowl. Maybe not as much as the prestigious Emerald Bowl, though.

BCS National Championship game - Ohio State vs Florida: Chris Leak throws not one, but TWO shovel pass interceptions in the first half, allowing the Buckeyes to set the pace early and coast to the 4th quarter where the Gators salvage some dignity, but fall short. Final score: Buckeyes 36 Gators 22

Allen Iverson and the Denver Nuggets will finish either 7th or 8th in the Western Conference, then get knocked out of the playoffs in five games.

Roger Federer will win all four Grand Slams.

The Colts will not reach the AFC Championship game.

The Bears will not win the Superbowl.

The Spurs will win the NBA title, beating Phoenix in the Western Conference Finals. The representative from the East will be swept by either team.

Sidney Crosby will win the Hart Trophy.

Florida will repeat as champions in college basketball and UCLA will repeat as runners-up!

Greg Oden will go #1 in the draft.

It doesn't matter who the Oakland Raiders select with the top pick in the NFL draft, they'll screw it up.

Daisuke Matsuzaka will have a relatively strong first half of the season before completely folding after the All Star break.

The Phoenix Coyotes will finish ahead of the Los Angeles Kings this season. I will get $10 from my dad.

The fans will screw up balloting for every All Star game. Again.

Terrell Owens will not be in Dallas next season.

If Barcelona doesn't win the Champions League, it'll be because they lost to Olympique Lyon.

The Pittsburgh Penguins will miraculously find a way to remain in Pittsburgh.

I still won't give a crap about Nascar or golf.

Your mom.