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Soccer, rugby, the college gridiron and the NFL. It's all football to me. A couple of my teams got a little too full of themselves and the results were apparent, this weekend. We'll start off with them...

Those heads had better be hanging low in the locker room
Liverpool 0-0 Birmingham City. It's a result worthy of a bullet to the brain. Although, I'd say that, while we played poorly, the Porto result was great. But the Brums result is beyond unacceptable -- its nothing short of stultifying.

I'll say this for BC. They came within two horrific goalkeeper mistakes of drawing, possibly beating Chelsea in the season-opener. Fact is, however, that those horrific GK mistakes were made. There's too much quality in our side to not garner at least one goal versus these chumps.

Looking ahead to Reading, on Tuesday, I have absolutely no idea what to think. That's partially to do with it being in the Carling Cup, but let's be honest: We've looked well short, these last three matches, of the champion we fancy ourselves. The time for making excuses because of the international break ended after the Pompey match. Evidently, we thought too highly of ourselves after romping Derby. Hopefully, at the very least, this serves as a wakeup call to Rafa and the boys.

Let this be your warning
Hey, Springboks, I love you with all my heart (of course), I don't need these heart attacks against Tonga. I tell you what, though, it's not beyond the realm of possibility to see Tonga punk England out of the RWC in the group stage. That would be something special.

With respect to Donovan McNabb
Is there a more critized QB in the league than Rex Grossman? He's like a conundrum wrapped inside of a dilemma. I'm watching him, right now, against Dallas. I don't get how this guy is still in the league. And yet, there are the Bears, still major players in the NFL. Although, I guess people know that Grossman sucks, so McNabb's original point still stands.

Within this same Bears-Cowboys game, by the way, is Tony Romo: The QB most emblamatic of the "We love him because he's a nice white kid who's won a couple of regular season games."

See you on the lynx!
Better luck next year, St. Louis Rams. Regardless of whether or not it's only week three, toast is toast.

Tale of two halves, much???
The Giants comeback win over the Redskins, today, was awesome to watch. If I didn't know any better, the two teams literally traded uniforms at halftime. That sure didn't look like the same Giants defense that surrendered a combined 80 points in the first two weeks, but then again, they were playing an overrated (to this point) Redskins offense who hasn't exactly been shattering the lights on the scoreboard. I still need to be convinced by Jason Campbell & Co. As I see it, they're exactly where they should be, at 2-1, although I thought they would've won today and lost last Monday against Philly. So let's temper all that Redskins hype, okay people?

I tip my hat to you, Lane Kiffin
In dramatic fashion (naturally), the Raiders beefed their record to 2-1* by blocking Cleveland's game-winning field goal attempt. But Kiffin gets all the credit because he has demonstrated that he is learning how to bend the system to his will. Listen, if Rat Shanahan can call a timeout when the game-winning kick is up in the air and get away with it, and if the league isn't going to discourage teams from doing that, then f'ing A, we're going to do it, too! Also, I'd be remissed not to point this out: Daunte Culpepper relieves Josh McCown and the Raiders get the "W." Let's keep taking notes, Lane!

Brett Favre and the Pack are 3-0
Are you kidding me?!?

I point and laugh at you
Notre Dame. Haha!

I point and laugh at you while mockingly championing the special-ed kids that beat you
Louisville. Haha! But honestly, Louisville, Syracuse really is a power house. That was always going to be a tough game. Especially matching up against Jim Boeheim on the other sideline and trying to find a way to deal with Carmelo Anthony. You've never dealt with a small forward like that in ages. Tough match up. And you just know Gerry McNamara is going to be a bitch on the perimeter.

I point and laugh at your coaching hire
Let it be known: The Norv Turner era is alive and well in San Diego. Mediocrity rules!

I'm sending a dozen roses, a big box of chocolates, and planting a sloppy wet kiss on your mouth
Yes, I'm talking to you, Jacksonville Jaguars. Anyone who puts the Rat and Denver in their rightful places is aces with me.

Barely even a slap on the wrist

If I'm Bill Beli-cheat, I'd consider myself very lucky, this morning. Let off the hook with merely a fine and the loss of one late first-round draft pick? I'm sorry, but for this offense, the given punishment doesn't even rate a slap on the wrist. More like a raised eye-brow and a shrug of the shoulders. Really? No suspension at all? I'm sure Tim Donaghy wishes he was an NFL official instead.

Few cheats are bigger than Beli-cheat (who claims to have misinterpreted the most black and white rule in the book), but O.J. is one of them. "No, listen, Officer, I swear I only needed that sports memorabilia so that I could lure the 'real killer' to a big autograph signing. It's my plan for justice, see?"

The loss of Greg Oden for the season doesn't just affect Portland (though they never had a prayer of going to the playoffs, this season, anyway), it affects the entire league. Profoundly. Personally, I've already lost steam with the Kevin Durant train and, frankly, half the fun of watching Durant, this coming season, was going to be comparing his progress to Oden's. The NBA just lost a major star and for a league that just endured it's lowest rated Finals since they ceased airing on tape delay, this is devastating. The weapons for sparking fan interest continue to diminish.

I'm not saying that playing in Nebraska isn't tough, but I don't think USC will have a problem covering the 10-point spread. I'm thinking 30-13 in favor of the Trojans. Arizona, on the other hand, is playing at home against a lousy New Mexico team and they will have trouble covering the spread. Willie Tuitama, you fill my heart with worry and doubt. Hanging 45 on NAU doesn't prove anything. Arizona 20 New Mexico 14.

If Michigan wins, this Saturday, it'll be business as usual. If Notre Dame wins this Saturday, Lloyd Carr will be executed on the field. Most likely by "Crazy Eyes" Mike Hart. I see the Wolverines at least surviving this one, though. As bad as their D is, Notre Dame's offense may be worse. Michigan 25 Notre Dame 17.

For so early in the season, there seem to be a ton of "locks" this Sunday. Cincy, Indy, Pittsburgh, New Orleans, Seattle, Jacksonville, Carolina, Dallas, Denver, and Chicago are all sure bets to win. All will cover, too, except for the Jaguars who still have an awful lot of explaining to do, after last week, and have an unreasonably big line of -11 (as of, right now).

Having dodged the bullet of any real repercussions from video-tape gate, the New England Tim Donaghys knock off a Chargers team that's flying across the country after getting physically beat-up by the Bears. It'll be close, but that Donaghy offense looks too impressive. Also, it's Norv Turner playing in a big game. 'Nuff said. Donaghys 27 Chargers 23.

Today, the Springboks will avenge their disaster against England in 2003 by mashing them in their Group A contest at the Rugby World Cup. The victory will all but guarantee the Boks a top seed in the quarterfinal round when, praise be, Schalk Burger will be back from his unjust suspension. South Africa are looking a good bet for at least the semis at this year's RWC.

Predictions for the weekend

- No matter what the reports are saying, JaMarcus Russell will remain unsigned by the Oakland Raiders. And it's all this senile crazy's fault!

- Despite issues with Russell, the Raiders will win (and cover) their season-opener at home against Detroit 16-12.

- In addition to Oakland winning, the Houston Texans, Minnesota Vikings, and Washington Redskins all start the season with Ws, too. (Granted, they're playing Kansas City, Atlanta, and Miami, respectively, but shut up) During the Vike's win, Adrian Peterson announces his candidacy for offensive rookie of the year in a big way.

- Roger Federer (do I even have to say that he'll grab the US Open on Sunday?) beats Novak Djokovic in a classic four-set final.

- Because Major League Baseball is HELL-BENT on finding a feel-good story to combat their dishonest image of cheaters and steroid-abusers, the reports of everyone's favorite "special retard" will be ignored. At least, for now, while he's still hitting homeruns.

- Arizona will score at least two touchdowns en route to beating Northern Arizona on Saturday night in Tucson. You might be thinking, "Hey, jerk, duh! Of course that's going to happen." To that, I would respond, "Did you see the BYU game?"

- I will miss this weekend's action from the Rugby World Cup, which kicks off tonight, because I don't get bloody Setanta and probably won't be getting up super-early to find a pub that does. However, South Africa (with a boost from Nelson) open with a victory over Samoa and the USA (Yes! They're in the RWC! Again! You'd never know, living in this country.) will get flogged by an underachieving England side.

- Jimmy Clausen will throw four interceptions and not finish the game, as Penn State beats Notre Dame by three touchdowns.

- No player in the NFL will have as bad a performance, during week 1, as Jason David of the Saints did, last night. Absolutely shocking.

- No NFL team will look as dominant and impressive, during week 1, as Peyton Manning and the Colts did, last night. Cripes, they looked in mid-season form. Frightening, really.

- No matter what the result, there'll be far too many rednecks at the Virginia Tech v LSU game. Tigers by a touchdown in what turns out to be a really boring game characterized more by mistakes than good defense. 17-10.

- Michigan squeaks out a late field goal to beat Oregon, but their defense continues to be decimated.

- Israel will shock the world and steal a 0-0 draw at Wembley, this weekend, during Euro 2008 qualifiers. Steve McLaren will come under fire, once again, for being an idiot.

- When I attend tomorrow's Galaxy game against the Colorado Rapids, the stadium will be half-empty because a) Beckham is out, and b) this is the worst team in MLS. Rapids 3 - 1 Galaxy.